The Horns Kicked In: Pseudo Symphony

I was thinking a bit about pseudo instruments today while riding back from the beach. While the air guitar gets most of the attention, (and rightfully so,) I thought I'd give my thoughts others that might not seem like the sexy option. I'm also going to leave out ever-popular broomstick guitar, with all it's variations, as well as the air mic (female variant: hairbrush microphone). I do need to mention the air mic for literally providing cover during the parts of the song you don't know the lyrics to.

So here they are,

The Most Underrated Pseudo Instruments

The air saxophone

If I had a nickel for every time I was caught without a saxophone while listening to INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart," or Wham!'s "Careless Whisper," I'd be able to buy my own saxophone.

The air piano

Probably the most technically difficult of the pseudo instruments. You actually need to know something about piano to play the air piano, otherwise you just end up looking like you're poorly typing. If you can master transitioning back and forth from air piano to air guitar during "Bohemian Rhapsody," then you deserve special permission to play two pseudo instruments for one song. Don't worry, your friends' complaints will be silenced once they witness the awesome.

The car drums

Nothing beats actually banging on things when fake drumming in the car (pun unintended). The back of the driver's seat, the dashboard, the steering wheel, shotgun's head—the options are limitless. Word of advice: call dibs on drums for Oasis's "Don't Look Back in Anger." If you're not sure why, think about how everyone argues over who gets to fake the guitar in Weezer's "Buddy Holly," simply because of the nine note solo near the end—it's like that. Also, try combining the car drums with the pen drums to create your own hybrid.

The KT drums

That's pronounced "kit" and it's an acronym for "kitchen table." These are great because you don't even need any accompanying music. All you need two pieces of silverware, a glass or two, the table, and some easily annoyed family members. (But use what you have; dishes and bowls add nice variety.) This should always be spontaneous—if you don't have the necessary equipment readily available, either improvise or fall back on "Wipeout" with your bare hands.

The seatbelt guitar

Possibly my favorite pseudo instrument of all time. Combining 2o^th century safety with awesome, the belt-tar makes for a convenient, tangible pseudo instrument when you're likely to need it most—in a car. You never know when "Sweet Child O' Mine" might come on.