My problems start before I even enter the building. I have to kick off my shoes and jam my feet into tiny slippers that cover only the front half of each foot. This is annoying.
Now that I'm inside, I have to do all the normal paperwork stuff (which, luckily, they have available in English). Easy enough. Though the receptionist doesn't speak any English, so that's a little bit difficult.
Handing in my paperwork, the lady pulls out a paper of her own and points to an English sentence that reads, "Can you urinate?" Now, of course I can urinate, so I'm taking the question to be asking if I can urinate now. I just woke up before coming here, so naturally I just peed. I have to say no. So they bring me a cup of water. A lady in the waiting room is giggling at me while I drink.
A nurse, or something, brings me to a different room and hands me a gown and locker key, saying, "trunks only." I immediately realize that this room's only exit leads into the waiting room, so I ask, "after?" and motion toward the waiting room. Indeed it seems she wants me to sit out there in my gown.
This gown is awesome! It's like a samurai hospital gown! I'm trying to snap a picture of it with my phone, but I can't get my hand far enough away from my body to get a decent shot. Oh well, back to the waiting room.
I'm sitting in the waiting room, transforming into a woman. My dress is too short, so I'm trying in vain to tug it down over my knees with both hands. I'm also reminded by the oscillating fan that I inadvertently chose to sit right in front of to keep my legs closed. Moving will only draw more attention to myself.
A nurse is calling me into the examination area. I walk in. She doesn't speak any English. I don't speak any Japanese. Now we're playing charades.
Time for x-rays. It occurs to me, as I'm standing on a metal platform getting zapped, that back home they always put some kind of protective thing on me, even when just x-raying my little finger, presumably so that I can have babies afterward. There is no such protection on me now, as they point their laser gun at my torso. Though the radiologist still hides in a separate room while this is going on.
Finally, I get to see the English-speaking doctor. She tells me to open my gown and lie down, and starts pressing on my stomach. This is always a bad idea, especially before I've had the chance to clear my system.
Oh yeah, I still need to pee in a cup. They don't give me a nice, special plastic cup with a screw on lid; instead I squeeze a few drops into a dixie cup that came out of a dispenser in the bathroom and stick it lidless through the little door.
Checkup's finished and I get a clean bill of health. Thanks, Japan.
Enjoy this likely unrelated quote:"If you have a good scientific imagination, you can think of all sorts of things that might be true, and that's the essence of science. You first think of something that might be true--then you look to see if it is, and generally it isn't"Bertrand Russell, 1959
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Johnny
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So did you come, or what?